tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post8136044172866874270..comments2024-01-30T21:45:11.254+11:00Comments on Jabberwocky: Hell is other children + my childArielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17570339715916432947noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-40513341410601364022007-01-08T15:39:00.000+11:002007-01-08T15:39:00.000+11:00Have to second everyone's comments about how it is...Have to second everyone's comments about how it is written, too - I can practically see those kids enjoying the dobbing thanks to your great account.genevievehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02895689949182365454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-37063905711098499912007-01-07T22:57:00.000+11:002007-01-07T22:57:00.000+11:00Red - Thank you on all counts. And I tend to agree...Red - Thank you on all counts. And I tend to agree on the passive-agressive.<br /><br />Genevieve - Food for thought - and thanks to you, too. Play date definitely too long and hadn't thought about showing off for little brother - that was some of it, but they haave also been pretty BLEH one-on-one lately. Time apart, I think, and see what happens next year ...<br /><br />Watershedd - I do agree (conflicted though all this crap can make you) that education is a good thing. It's not too unusual to have a period of getting his head around the knowledge while he learns about appropriate behaviour. <br /><br />Audrey - *blush* That comment was a marvellous birhtday present.Arielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17570339715916432947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-77264156100891418132007-01-07T03:06:00.000+11:002007-01-07T03:06:00.000+11:00Ariel, you are a leader of mothers. I read your po...Ariel, you are a leader of mothers. I read your posts and marvel at how you do it, and then write about it so beautifully. Your posts are always so compelling. Happy birthday xoxoaudreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07323195108685705355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-74075162471991827332007-01-04T17:35:00.000+11:002007-01-04T17:35:00.000+11:00Oh, Ariel, what a day - or two! I may not have ch...Oh, Ariel, what a day - or two! I may not have children of my own, but I have been a step parent and it was not easy. I like Genevieve's suggestion of the one on one time. There's a big difference in caring for two rather than three. there's often an odd one out when there's three. Also, there's a maturity issue, because the age you're dealing with, one or two years makes an enormous diference to interests and coping strategies. As for the Mother, sounds like she's happy to dispense criticism to you and your child and none too subtlely. Your own attempts to more tactfully address A's issues may need to be more direct (careful not to sound spiteful).<br /><br />As for the sex thing, education is always better than a lack thereof. I read the same book at the same age. It's written for kids and is great. Don't stop educating F. If he's old enough to ask or use a word, he's old enough to get an explanation put in a way he can understand. Ignorance breeds arrogance and a lack of compassion for others.Watersheddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05806629331225277927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-68509047273351032202007-01-04T05:58:00.000+11:002007-01-04T05:58:00.000+11:00Sorry, that should have been 'kids' squabbles do b...Sorry, that should have been 'kids' squabbles do become <i>their own</i> responsibility one day'. WHoops.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-72991244640780703472007-01-04T05:57:00.000+11:002007-01-04T05:57:00.000+11:00Two things, writing from what seems like aeons awa...Two things, writing from what seems like aeons away from this period:<br />Other parents don't go away. But<br />kids' squabbles do become their responsibility one day. <br /><br />That mother has a nerve expecting you to mind two for the price of one, then making comments about your child being solo. I don't really like the sound of that. Where I come from, you don't offer to take siblings for the whole day and then put up with that kind of rubbish.<br /><br />It seems to me that your son's friendship might require that he have 'quality time' with his friend, and that you see how they get on one on one before ditching the kid altogether - they might both be different without little bro to show off to (yes, that is what kids do!). The little brother being thrown in is not helping you, it's helping her. And I would make the play date shorter for sure. Even ask a third friend over once things have settled down. But not the little brother, I think A is using him and is obviously enjoying going home and dobbing bigtime to Mum. (Which does raise the question of whether he is a good friend in the first place. But one on one time should give you some idea of whether that is the case.)<br /><br />If she will not agree to a one on one play, perhaps she's just using you anyway. In which case you are more than entitled to feel intense maternal instincts when she insults your son. <br />I had one of those 'sexing' inquiries from another parent once, <br />who was able to ask the right questions with sensitivity and respect for us as parents rather than laying it on my kid - he told me what his daughter had told him, then when I made it clear our daughter would not have been the source of such information he was able to conclude quite gracefully it could have been another child. It doesn't have to be a blame game, all she really needed was information about what happened and it's really bad that she has chosen to make her own judgement without asking you what you know first. I think you have every right to be angry.<br />-GenevieveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-14478245403517975502007-01-03T17:40:00.000+11:002007-01-03T17:40:00.000+11:00Ouch, poor you, what a day! Gosh, that comment abo...Ouch, poor you, what a day! Gosh, that comment about F's personality is way out of line--A's mum sounds a tad passive-aggressive. <br /><br />BTW, please don't worry too much about the 'only child' thing. Many of us grow into socially well-adjusted adults ... even if we do spend too much time online :)<br /><br />Happy birthday and thank you for another wonderfully honest and moving post on being a parent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-87623472975144266322007-01-03T15:23:00.000+11:002007-01-03T15:23:00.000+11:00Thanks RC!
Kate, I think she can accept that they...Thanks RC!<br /><br />Kate, I think she can accept that they can misbehave, but not that they might be being RUDE of their own accord. <br /><br />Susoz & Lynn - yes, I think so too. And poison pairings is a goodie. F has two of them (the other one with the kid he ate junk with until he literally dropped).Arielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17570339715916432947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-90242020933104414582007-01-03T14:54:00.000+11:002007-01-03T14:54:00.000+11:00Oh, and the 'personality' remark is way, way out o...Oh, and the 'personality' remark is way, way out of order. Start talking about her personality and see how she likes it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02141679468530907478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-28625214664509664692007-01-03T14:53:00.000+11:002007-01-03T14:53:00.000+11:00I'm with Susoz on that one. Putting up with two ki...I'm with Susoz on that one. Putting up with two kids for the whole day as you did is too much to ask of anyone!<br /><br />Reading through I thought of a couple of little tips to keep the fury down. First threaten (or remind of the threat), then deliver the consequence (ie removal of toys) (and keep breathing in between time so you stay calm). I would have screamed out 'shit' if I'd lost my toys unexpectedly too! <br /><br />As for your Mother friend - the recipe swapping and behaviour comments seem like some sort of competitive mother thing that you can do without. It's funny watching people who get wierded out by children's interests in bodies and sexuality, but not too funny if they single out your kid as the source of it.<br /><br />One of my friends has an expression for kids who like each other and play well but get each other into troubled dynamics - it's 'a poison pairing'. It's a nice way of looking at two kids as individuals but acknowledging they are bad when they are together.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02141679468530907478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-59295218438285294942007-01-02T16:08:00.000+11:002007-01-02T16:08:00.000+11:00It sounds like much shorter playdates could be use...It sounds like much shorter playdates could be useful in curtailing some of the behaviour.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17680687031479016392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-13865390759411902152007-01-02T13:01:00.000+11:002007-01-02T13:01:00.000+11:00Sounds very tough and trying for everyone. Though ...Sounds very tough and trying for everyone. Though the Mother sounds pretty vindictive if she can't see her own children can misbehave too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-64681932838160239872007-01-02T12:25:00.000+11:002007-01-02T12:25:00.000+11:00Oh, yes, and happy birthday!Oh, yes, and happy birthday!redcaphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01916750858980883634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-87554490868142462262007-01-02T12:06:00.000+11:002007-01-02T12:06:00.000+11:00Meva: Thanks - that's just what I need to hear. No...Meva: Thanks - that's just what I need to hear. Normal. And you're right - showdowns BAD, time out GOOD. I don't know, on reflection, why I didn't just walk away and come back. Next time ...<br /><br />RC: I know! What I really can't believe is that anyone (let alone a mother) can bag a child's very personality to its MOTHER, and not realise she will want to kill you. *sigh*<br /><br />Galaxy - thankyou!Arielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17570339715916432947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-42496973040311676612007-01-02T00:09:00.000+11:002007-01-02T00:09:00.000+11:00Happy Birthday!Happy Birthday!Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14035268080440921379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-23317672470301488212007-01-01T15:54:00.000+11:002007-01-01T15:54:00.000+11:00It does sound very trying, you poor chook. Meva's ...It does sound very trying, you poor chook. Meva's right - A's mother does sound like a royal bitch. Fancy implying there's something wrong with a seven-year-old's personality! Does F even want to play with A any more or go to his house? It doesn't sound like they're getting along very well. He might make the choice for you.redcaphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01916750858980883634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-38699954603187774482007-01-01T13:45:00.000+11:002007-01-01T13:45:00.000+11:00A's mother sounds like a right bitch. And I don't ...A's mother sounds like a right bitch. And I don't think F should be made to feel that he is a pariah because of <i>her</i> problems. <br /><br />He sounds like a pretty normal kid to me. Especially that power play in his bedroom. Just remember that you're the grown up, and kids will always try to test you. Noone wins those showdowns. I have a very strong willed son, and I find that if he stays in his room and I go somewhere else in the house for a few minutes, we both calm down. I know... not easy.mevahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18006090511428184077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-3460405087282227942007-01-01T12:04:00.000+11:002007-01-01T12:04:00.000+11:00You are wise, Obi Wan. (Sorry - reinstated Play St...You are wise, Obi Wan. (Sorry - reinstated Play Station firing in background.) Yeah, I think semi-permanent decisions on this is probably best. Poor A's mother, she had a helluva day too and F is adept at being a royal pain at the moment. Maternal fury (mine) is a killer, though. I don't think I can yet see sense through my protective instincts. Eurgh!Arielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17570339715916432947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33579237.post-79867229058617943042007-01-01T08:43:00.000+11:002007-01-01T08:43:00.000+11:00It does sound to me like they need some time apart...It does sound to me like they need some time apart and that it is not good for F to be at A's mother's house at the moment.<br /><br />If you can avoid making either of those decisions permanent that would also be good, but that may not be easy. Kids do grow apart all the time.cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10438841050844456591noreply@blogger.com